I was out of my depth and I knew it, but I was determined to at least make a statement in the Purple Prose Parody Contest. Now this was sponsored by a romance novel website, an area represented by people for whom I’m something of an oddity. The twist was to base the parody on a classic novel. Well, I figured I wanted to go full throttle, so I chose George Orwell’s Animal Farm. The characters weren’t  human–that, I thought, should set me apart.


And imagine my surprise when I came in third! Not everybody thinks according to a rigid paradigm.


Here is my entry, titled “A Tumble in the Hay” below the cut.



In the barn the air hung thick in tremulous anticipation.The haystack stood in salute to forbidden love.


Then, Mollie’s nervous eating habit seized her violently, and she began to take tiny nibbles from that golden love tribute.


Surely Napoleon’s black piggy eyes had witnessed the mad carmine haze of passionate wanting. Not even that pig could mistake Mollie’s bug-eyed longing glances at Benjamin. Maybe the others on Animal Farm thought Benjamin was nothing but an ass, but to Mollie, he was a stallion of manliness.


“Mollie!” Benjamin brayed, the noise floating on the slop-scented air.


“Benjamin!” Mollie neighed, tapping out the number of kisses she planned to give him with her left hoof.


“Were you seen?”


“The pigs have spies everywhere,” Benjamin said, daring to curl her tail in his. “That simpkin Snowball asked me just today at the water trough why I appear to be fond of the two-leggeds.”


Mollie thought of the emerald, turquoise, and ivory ribbons in her mane. Without the two-leggeds to pamper her, what would she be? Why, she’d be no better than a workhorse! Mollie whinnied in disgust.


“The two-leggeds have such beautiful things. And they have love!”


“Indeed, my little equine Venus. But Napoleon is ruthless. He will not cease until all things two-legged are broken and scrambled like yesterday’s eggs in the farmer’s skillet.”


Mollie sighed, the thick full curtain of her eyelashes veiling her eyes. “We would be better off as two-leggeds, my love.”


“Rubbish!” Benjamin moved closer, heating her broadside with his own lust-powered furnace. “We shall love, Mollie, and we shall be the envy of Animal Farm. Now dispense with the foolishness and kiss me, seductress mare!”


Swept into the moment, a dust devil of aching need, Mollie surrendered and allowed Benjamin to become the horse’s ass.