FernGully With Guns James Cameron’s Avatar is missing one very, very crucial element.  An element without which the film can never be made whole.




FernGully was an integral part of my childhood.  Most of us remember that film, right?  A lumber worker is accidentally shrunk to the size of one of the rain forest’s fairies, and he learns all about their culture, develops a thing for the fairy hottie, and decides that slashing down trees is bad.


 Sounds sort of familiar when considering this latest CGI-laden flick, doesn’t it?  And is there anything wrong with that?  No, not really.  I’m sure Avatar has plenty of unique elements to offer aside from increased violence and the natives’ upgrading from using leaves as skateboards.  It’s nice to have the idea of a more “grown up” version of the story, and the timing of this film’s release is particularly interesting from a generational perspective, especially when considering the long-term trends found in cinema.


I can even live with the lack of a psychotic lab bat, although he was always my favorite.


Still, something’s missing.



FernGully and I have quite a happy history.  I associate it with slumber parties at the local science museum spent running amok in the hurricane simulator, learning about dinosaurs, and building bridges to learn the importance of keystones were always a very bright spot for me at eight years old.  And they always showed a movie around midnight…since, you know, it was special, so they let us stay up super late.  Sometimes it was Fievel.  But quite often, it was FernGully.  And without fail, every night I saw FernGully, I had nightmares of a Tim-Curry-voiced morphing blob of sludge.

[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PLQ1XfaTuU 425×344]

 So you must understand…Avatar will simply never be able to inspire true excitement in my heart.  Now, if James Cameron had included a Tim Curry musical number (or even a character with the same pizazz as Curry’s villain), he might’ve been on to something.




Let’s see an updated version of him, Mr. Cameron.  Even without a musical number or an anthropomorphic oil-creature, you could at least give a hat tip to our buddy Hexxus.  A particularly stylish, slimy military guy who always dresses in black and has a very strange grin?  I don’t know.  But I do know that Avatar won’t quite do it for me because a Hexxus-ish individual wasn’t included.


 Then again, I always did love a villain with flair.