This is how undeniably creepy Facebook has become:   

 

After it finally loads for me, and I want to visit a particular profile page belonging to one of my “friends”, I click on the “Friends” option. It doesn’t matter what submenu you’re after in the “Friends” option, it will take you to the same page first. This page is the friends search page, which is titled thusly:


“We’d like to help you find your friends.”


Would you now?


Does that not register on the creepy scale for some people? Even just a little bit? Personally, to me, it comes across with a sort of, “Put the lotion in the basket!” feel. But again, that could simply be me.

The creepy factor alone might still be tolerable if it weren’t for the irrefutable obnoxious factor that accompanies it.  I was a late comer to Facebook.  But even in the time I joined, it was a much simpler, focused, and easy loading site than the monstrosity it has mutated into.

Now, Facebook is continuously trying to find more relatives for me, so that I can be connected to even more people.  It has brought an entirely new, and unprecedented dimension to spam.   When I first was setting up my account, I did the usual things, I uploaded a profile picture, a few other pictures of myself, and friended the people who I knew would friend me back because they are…what’s the word?  Oh right, my friends!  Do you see the convenient pattern with this?

When I was first getting to know Facebook, I truly believed that it was different from the myspaces, and youtubes of the world because it didn’t have the obnoxious crap.  You had your profile, your actual friends, your notes that you could add to, and some gifts you could throw at/send to people who were your actual friends.  It was decently straight forward, and uncluttered – just the way I like a webpage.

Unfortunately however, like anything posted on the internet for an interminable amount of time, it gets infected and poisoned…by the internet.  Now, Facebook won’t leave me alone. 

“Got a friend that needs cheering up?  Send them a Happy Face Hug or a Group Hug today!”

“What is your color?”

“True Heroes use their power for good…”

“What is your color?”

“Add a photo to We’re Related of each of your grandparents.”

“What is your color?”  “What Is Your Color?”  “WHAT IS YOUR COLOR?!”

I have not made any of those up.  Those are all on my notifications along with several other useless things that I never asked for. 

There is also the one or two friends who you don’t really call friends, but you friended them anyway because they’re an acquaintance of your best friend’s sister’s hamster’s cousin, and you thought you’d be nice and friend them when they first joined the circus.  But soon after, they lead you to regret your act of good samaritanism, and repay you by throwing sheep, pigs, Colin Powell, and Michael Phelps at you at least Twenty. Times. A. Day. because they’re bored at work, or at home because they’re unemployed.

Of course, it’s only in good fun.  And it’s funny too, especially the Michael Phelps one…after about the first ten times.  Then it becomes very old at a rate faster than warp speed.  It’s especially faster than the site itself loads, because heaven knows there’s enough crap now on Facebook to weigh the space station down into the upper atmosphere.  And in the end, do you know what all of those new ads, games, and quizzes add up to?  Do YOU?  Simply: more html for your browser to load, and sort through.

I would like to go back to the time where Facebook was somewhat simple, and there wasn’t at least fifty types of Twilight flair made that say just about the same thing: “Keep your Darcy, I want Edward!”

All of it has stuffed us down the creepy hole, and we are unable to get out because we’re being bombarded more ad-ons, games, and farm animals.  But what we need to do is get to the source of this, lure the beloved dog of the creepy web site into the hole with us, and threaten her life until we are given a chance to escape from the circus!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go, and post this on my profile page, and maybe start a group.