Welcome to our poll results show Chica Trek fans!

This is Darth Sweetums reporting from the GeekaChica’s stadium.  What a race it has stadiumbeen!  I had no idea the upstanding commanders of Starfleet’s finest could be so conniving.

Before I announce the FINAL SCORE let us go over some of the highlights of the race.

When we last left our Captains, Jean Luc Picard was holding a commanding (pun possibly intended) lead over the rest of his competitors.  Original Kirk kept up a distant second, with Janeway in third, Sisko and young!Kirk switching back and forth over fourth place and Archer, having lost consciousness at the beginning of the race,  kept to my expectations and held fifth place.

Yes indeed, it looked like the race was already sewn up as Jean Luc took a break and decided to take his afternoon tea along the sidelines.  But that, my poll race fan friends is when the treachery started.

In my entire career I have never seen any group of people fight so dirty before. Picard was in the lead and taking a pit stop at the side of the track when it was first noticed that Original Kirk was gaining more votes and Picard’s stats were standing perfectly still. The crowd here in the stadium, me right along with them, began to grow suspicious. 

Everyone looked to Picard to see his reaction to the score board and that was when the audience as a whole screamed foul.  Captain Jean Luc Picard was sitting unconscious in his lawn chair, his cup of tea tilted just so in his hand that the liquid had leaked out and soiled his pants.  Thankfully, he was wearing black, as always.

We all had our suspicions as to who the culprit was.  I personally suspected Original picardUhura, as I was no longer able to see her in the stands after the incident.  Whoever it was though, got away with hypospraying Picard into a comatose state.  Thankfully, fans had little to fear as Doctor Beverly Crusher raced down from the stands to assist the stadium medics in reviving the good Captain.

Just as Picard regained consciousness, flipped the birdie to Original Kirk who looked as though he was about to moon him, the entire stadium was engulfed in an enormous burst of energy that seemed to be coming from the center field.  After the light cleared it revealed some sort of portal.  Someone had opened a portal in the space/time continuum right here in GeekaChica Stadium! 

portalThe crowd cheered and screamed, clamoring away from it as two figures stepped through.  This announcer had to check through her binoculars to make certain who it was.  Just as I had suspected, it was Original Kirk and Spock from the Alternate Reality! 

Immediately Alternate!Original Kirk began hoofing it on the track, much faster than his counterpart.  There had to be something against the rules about this!  Two Kirks vying for double the amount of votes?  That, however, was when I realized that we didn’t have a rule book. 

Alternate!Original  Spock stayed close to the portal, keeping it stable, I assume, stroking his ever sexy emo-goatee and smiling mischievously.  While several of us, and I include myself in this, were distracted by Alternate!Original Spock’s sexiness, Sisko and Janeway seemed to take advantage of the situation.

Sisko slowed to a slow trot as another figure from the crowd joined him and morphed before our very eyes into a horse!  Captain Sisko mounted the horse and shot off like a rocket around the track, pulling votes right out from under young!Kirk.

Janeway, however, refused to go down without a fight.  Pulling out her phaser, she fired onJaneway with weapon Archer’s hover chair and disabled it as he had just realized that it could go up to 50 mph.  After a short pit stop, where we witnessed her speaking quickly with Seven of Nine, she took up the track once again.

Everything appeared to be going smoothly, aside from Alternate!Original Spock throwing out Vulcan Neck Pinches like they were candy to any figure of authority who approached him about the portal.  Janeway – innocent, rule abiding Captain Janeway – revealed a device she had been holding in her hand since her pit stop.  She punched some buttons and was suddenly a blur around the track. 

It wasn’t transwarp she was using.  It was something different.  Slip Stream Drive!  Janeway had figured out how to build a personal slip stream unit!  But oh, it was so unstable, she was definitely taking a risk in using it.   The risk factor was definitely proven correct when the slip stream broke down and shot her back out into normal space, across the field, over the stands and out of the stadium like she was just hit by Sammie Sosa.

I believe it was when Young!Spock approached young!Kirk about the bit of Red Matter he held in his pocket that the stadium authorities finally gained control of the situation.  Alternate!Original Spock had been pulled away from the portal by the ever useful Data as Geordi LaForge and Chief O’Brien quickly tried to figure out how to close the portal and send the Alternate! Characters back to their universe.

emo spockThe race was stopped for a time until the sexy goatee Spock and Kirk were sent back to their own world and the portal closed…

…Um, my apologies.  Thankfully, I had written all of these events down as they were happening.  Apparently, the portal closing caused time to reset itself and everyone involved to forget what had happened, which is kind of a bummer.  I want to see sexy goateed Spock.

The last thing I remember was Picard being unconscious along the sidelines.

However, everything assisting our competitors was removed from the field and the race continued to reveal the FINAL SCORE:

Captain Jean Luc Picard – 254 votes
Original James T. Kirk – 109 votes  [Oh snap!]
Kathryn Janeway – 46 votes
Benjamin Sisko – 28 votes
Young!  James Kirk – 26 votes
Jonathan Archer – 5 votes

Congratulations Captain Jean Luc Picard for winning our fan poll!!  You deserve it my dear, you deserve it!

Oh, and I’ve just been told that Janeway was never launched out of the stadium, which means she remains unharmed and still with us.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go and ask Mr. LaForge how one would open up a portal like that if one was interested in seeing a sexy, emo-Vulcan.

This is Darth Sweetums signing off!