At this point, nearly two weeks since opening weekend, most everyone has had their say about Star Trek.  So it is with hesitation that I add my weak voice to the chorus of whole-hearted and unalloyed praise being shouted up to the great Star Trek Gods.  After all, I have only the credentials of a TNG fan, and sometimes watcher of TOS films, not the show.  But I cannot help myself.  I too must abase myself in worship at the vast and much-thronged altar of Star Trek fandom.  Not to J.J. Abrams, however, do I offer up my oblations, but to respectively Karl Urban, Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Simon Pegg, John Cho, and Anton Yelchin.  Herein lies the true (and dare I say miraculous) beauty of this large chunk of cinematic perfection.  So now I lay out for you an itemized summation of each of the gods in the Star Trek pantheon and their divine attributes.

 

 
Karl Urban/Leonard “Bones” McCoy:  All hail the god of cranky bitching love!  From the first words out of his mouth, to the very last close-up the spirit of Bones seemed to inhabit Urban’s Karl Urban as Bonesbody, giving, er, sardonicy to his looks and twang to his words.  I say twang, but that doesn’t do it justice.  I got chills the first time I heard him exclaim “Dammit Jim!” and could hardly contain myself after a muttered “green-blooded hobgoblin!”   His entire character is summed up with the mocking words “You hear that Jim?  He’s 17.”   There was not a single falter.  Not a hint of the New Zealand accent seeping through.  Urban was certainly one of the casting underdogs in all the pre-film chatter, but there is no arguing that, for lack of a better word, he pwned us all. 

 

 

Chris Pine/James Tiberius Kirk:  The god of swaggering arrogance and cocky determination is revealed once again in all his jumped up glory.  Never let it be said that this deity of brawls and brothels let one knock-down stop him from fighting the fight-nor indeed any number of knock-downs.  Chris Pine was tasked with an almost impossible feat; that of bringing the iconic Chris Pine as KirkWilliam Shatner’s Captain Kirk back to the screen without making him ridiculous and caricature-ish.  Truly, only with divine abilities does it seem possible for a young man to master such wonderful physical and verbal mannerisms.  The top heavy swagger (has anyone ever noticed that Cpt. Kirk shares a similar stride with a certain much loved cowboy?), the crossed legs as he sat in the captain’s chair, and best of all some absolutely necessary catchphrases (“bullshit!”, “Spock, it’ll work!”)  Yes indeed, like Zeus before him, Kirk is an unstoppable force, exuding a rough and tumble charm that saves this pretty face from unbearable prepy-ism.  Pine has earned a well-deserved place in the halls of Trek worship.

Zachary Quinto as SpockZachary Quinto/Spock:  One hardly knows what worship is acceptable at the alter of the god of logic and love.  For this new youthful Spock is brimming over with both.  Here we see a new side of Spock.  It is a Spock not quite as in control as we are used to him…and we like it!  I don’t just refer to seeing Spock kick Kirk’s ass (though how awesome was that?!) but to the brooding passion roiling dangerously under his calm demeanor throughout the entire film.  It was, of course, impossible to divorce Quinto from his iconic Heroes villain Sylar, but to me, at least, that simply added to the fun.  I was just waiting for someone to lose their head-especially when heard him hiss out his first “Live long, and prosper”.  It gave me chills!  The inevitable comparisons between the two characters, I think, added to rather than detracted from his acting.  Thus, it is a new Spock, but a Spock that I am perfectly willing to adopt into my religion.

Simon Pegg/Montgomery “Scotty” Scott:  Every polytheistic culture has a god of comedy, andSimon Pegg as Scotty Simon Pegg fits the bill.  The only thing necessary to evoke his predecessor is humor and that is something Pegg has in excess.  To be completely honest the only thing I have to say is that Simon Pegg is dear to my heart.  What more needs be said?  If he is there, I am a fan.  Thus, brief though his part was, he could do no wrong with it.  He brings with him his own band of followers, taking from the cults of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz and grafting them into the body of Star Trek.  All hail wit!

John Cho/Hikaru Sulu:  The unsuspected and little known god of butt kicking is none other than Harolld…I mean John Cho!  For once in his life, Sulu gets to be badass, and I mean that in John Cho as Suluthe most complimentary way possible.  I reaffirm that all my experience with the original series is confined to the movies, but the unshakeable image I have of Sulu from my youth is a whinging, sniveling, pathetic loser.  Sure George Takei had the deep theatrical voice, but what good was it when he never said anything worth hearing?  I think of him, I see him crying on the floor with a Sentorian slug oozing out his ear.  Not so the newly born Hikaru.  Yes, with his rebirth comes a rechristening.  Hikaru is infinitely badder than Sulu.  From the moment he opened his foldable sword and busted out his martial arts I knew Sulu was no more, Hikaru had taken his place, and the man would never be the same again.  There is a new god in the heavens and you will kneel…or he’ll stab you through the chest and shove you into a shooting jet of flame!

Anton Yelchin/Pavel Chekov:  Last in our list, but not least is the god of redemption.  The Anton Yelchin as Chekovannoying space-taker formerly known as Chekov is reborn, like Hikaru, into a fresh-faced boy genius.  At last he has a purpose on the ship!  At last he is entertaining with his innocent enthusiasm and intelligence!  At last he has decent hair!  And at last I can over look the inaccuracy of his accent and just enjoy the humor and nostalgia of it!  Chekov is fun.  He is endearing.  He is intelligent.  He is, in a word, the anti-Chekov, the bizarro-Chekov, if you will.  He is the Chekov we wish Chekov could have been.  No more will his altar be neglected in favor of those more worthy of worship.  No, Chekov has at last earned a place amongst his contemporaries!
 

These are not all the Gods in the Star Trek heavens, but they are the ones to which I give my reverence.  I must simply add a shout out to Eric Bana/Nero, god of the underworld, and Zoe Saldana/Nyota Uhura, goddess of long legs, lest I be smitten for blasphemy.  As we learned from Hippolytus, favoritism amongst the gods is never a good idea.