GEEK

 

“It blew up?! AWESOME!”
Class Traits
You willingly spend your days where others dare not go: into the server room, below the false floor, under desks stalked by killer dust bunnies. The insistent whine of a gigabit router is like a mother’s lullaby to you; you can survive for months at a time on caffeine; upstairs, people speak of you in hushed words and dare not incur your wrath, for you hold the very power of the Internet in your hands. You are, in short, a geek; you want nothing more than to be left alone with your toys, but are constantly being harassed by “users”, “clients”, or “bosses”.
Power Source: Arcane. You have devoted years of study to the esoterica of geekery, and your very essence is coded in binary.people playing D&D
Key Abilities: Intelligence, Wisdom, Constitution
Armor Proficiencies: none
Weapon Proficiencies: any device containing 1 or more transistors

Trained Skills: From the class skills list below, choose three trained skills at 1st level.
Class Skills: Brute Force (Str), Datamancy (Wis), Cast Iron Stomach (Con), Coding (Int), Knowledge – Star Trek (Int), Knowledge – Star Wars (Int), Knowledge – Whedonverse (Int), Knowledge – Doctor Who (Int), Obstinancy (Con), WoW (Dex)
Class Features: job security, technomancy, continuing education
Bonus languages: All geeks gain Jargon and l33t as bonus languages.

 

 

Geek overview

 

 

Religion

 

Most geeks are unaligned. They are charmingly simple creatures, happiest when left alone or with fellow geeks to play, sing, and/or build robots out of scavenged computer parts. Evil geeks are rare but not unknown: they work for Microsoft, maintain the Great Firewall of China, or develop censoring software.

 

Races

 

Geekdom is overwhelmingly dominated by humans. Elves and Eladrin should theoretically make great geeks; in practice, they tend to name their boxes things like “Server of the Valley of the Silver Wind that Sings in the Trees”, which is such a pain to type that everyone just sticks it in their ‘.rhosts’ file, no matter how big a security risk that is; plus, they keep whining that UTC-8 doesn’t support Tengwar. A small community of Halfling geeks was rumored to exist, but on closer inspection they turned out to be Human children. No Orcs are known to be geeks, though every non-sysadmin geek swears that his or her sysadmin is one.
Genders

 

About 10-15% of geeks are female, though you’d never know it from the number of male geeks who stare at them as though they’d never seen such a thing. Female geeks begin play with a purse, a bag of holding from which they may withdraw one tool per round, as a minor action.

 

 

Class Features

 

 

Continuing education: Each time you take a feat, you may take a bonus feat – but it must be a weapon proficiency that you don’t already have.
Job security: Years of your tender loving care have turned your servers into lumbering hybrid monstrosities, barely held together by kludges, duct tape, and (when necessary) the Dark Arts. Nobody dares fire you.
Technomancy: Technology fears you. Glitchy technology will fall into older piece of technologyperfect working order in your presence, causing your users to despair that “it wasn’t doing that a minute ago!”

 

 

 

Creating a Geek

 

 

All geeks rely on Intelligence, which helps them know what to do; and Wisdom, which helps them know whether or not it’s a good idea to do it. A strong Constitution is essential for all-night coding runs and guild raids, not to mention tolerance for the traditional geek diet. Charisma is the traditional dump stat for geeks, though this will be a severe hindrance at the Paragon tier and above-it’s hard to learn if no one is willing to teach you.

 

 

Feats

Advanced Math Prerequisite: Geek class “What’s yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice? Zorn’s Lemon!”

You gain proficiency in Advanced Math, but your constant spouting of math jokes that nobody else understands makes you insufferable, even to other geeks. Take a -2 penalty to Charisma.
DoD Clearance Prerequisite: Geek class, US citizen, not of evil alignment
“I’m only cleared for the boring secrets.”

The DoD has given you the once-over and figures you’re probably not a terrorist. You gain the ability to speak governmentese. Special: only members of the prestige class “FFRDC Engineer” may learn both governmentese and execuspeak.
Improved DoD Clearance
Prerequisite: DoD Clearance
“I’d gripe about my job, but they don’t have a classified Facebook. And if they did, it’d probably be a bad idea to bitch about work on it.”

The DoD has sent its black helicopters to terrorize your neighbors, and has abducted your cat as a hostage against your continued cooperation. You may not reveal to your fellow players that you have taken this feat.

Improved Regular Expressions
Prerequisite: Geek class, Int 16
You not only understand greedy matching, you can also expound knowledgeably on first-fit vs. best-fit.

You gain a +2/+2 bonus to regular expressions, and you may reroll the d6 until you get a result you like.
Knight of the Lambda Calculus
Prerequisite: Geek class, Int 20, Advanced Math Calculus image“It only looks like line noise because you do not understand what you are seeing.”

Your code is so transcendent and pure that it is incomprehensible to everyone but another Knight. You may cast elegant one-liner as an at-will minor action, but you may no longer cast delegate.

 

 

Lobotomy
Prerequisite: Geek class, cannot speak governmentese
“I think we can mobilize here, leverage our resources to bring about a win-win scenario.”

Your hair gets pointy. You gain language proficiency: execuspeak, and your Charisma score increases by 1, but only to non-geeks. (All geeks now hate you.) Special: only members of the prestige class “FFRDC Engineer” may learn both governmentese and execuspeak.
Raised on the Internet
Prerequisite: Geek class
“… and then the coffee pot updates its status on its Twitter feed, which gets pushed to my RSS accumulator, which sends me a text message…”

You may swap out proficiency with one weapon for proficiency with another weapon, as a minor action, provided that it’s a newer and shinier weapon. Special: Silverback and Raised On The Internet are mutually exclusive.
Silverback
Prerequisite: Geek class
“Of course, that was back in ’72, and memory was more durable then.”

You are at +2/+2 to attack with your favored weapon, and you may take Improved Proficiency with it multiple times. Special: Silverback and Raised on the Internet are mutually exclusive.

 

 

Attacks

 

 

At-will

 

Technobabble
Geek Attack 1
“That’ll result in an NP-complete half-oscillation of the server’s inverse packet thruster. We don’t want to risk that.”
At-will
Standard Action
Hit: 1[W] + Int, and target is dazed until the end of your next turn.
Kludge
Geek Attack 1
“Remember, this is only a temporary fix. Unless it works.”*
At-will
Effect: The system stays up, but you take a -1 penalty to AC.
(* Attr. Red Green)

 

Encounter

Cargo Cult Programming Geek 1
“Well, maybe the whitespace is important. Better not touch it, just in case.”
Encounter
Standard Action
Effect: You may attempt to use a single Geek power of not more than twice your level, at a -2 penalty.

Delegate Geek 1Unix badge
“I’m only the DBA. You want the Unix admin.”
Encounter
Standard Action
Effect: Designate a Geek of your level or lower to fight in your place.
Information Tsunami Geek 1
“I’ve got the logs you said you wanted to review. The first semi full of DVDs should be here any minute; let me know when you’re ready for the rest.”
Encounter
Standard Action
Effect: 2[W] + Int, and target is immobilized (save ends).
Regular Expressions Geek 1
“Wait… it matched everything? Oops.”
Encounter
Standard Action * Close burst 5
Effect: Roll a d6. Regardless of who you were targeting, you deal 1[W] + Int damage to:
1.All your allies
2.All divine casters
3.All creatures of fey origin
4.Characters or monsters whose names contain an ‘e’
5.Everyone, including yourself
6.All your opponents

 

Daily

 

Elegant one-liner Geek attack 1
Perl graphicAfter much reflection and caffeine, you suddenly realize that the solution in a brilliant flash of insight. You write it out in a single line of Perl; it does the job perfectly AND prints out ‘Just Another Perl Hacker’.
Hit: 3[W] + Int, plus you feel studly.
Miss: At least the other geeks are impressed. You submit it to the Obfuscated Perl Contest.

 

Utility

 

Imaginary Maintenance Activity Geek Utility 2
“The system will be down for a bit–I need to empty the bit buckets, mop up the dropped packets, and polish the routing tables. Don’t worry; I should have it back up by the end of Sci-Fi’s Firefly marathon.”
Daily * Arcane, Illusion
Standard Action
Effect: Until the end of the encounter, you may take an extra standard action per turn, but you may not use it to attack.

 

 

Rituals

 

 

Summon Pizza
“…extra anchovies-no, wait, I mean no anchovies-and can you make it half thin-crust and half thick-crust?”pizza
Time to cast = 2^x minutes, where x is the number of people who want to eat pizza.
Defenestration
Not only is the very idea of point-and-click server management an affront to your geek soul, but real server operating systems don’t ship with every last damn service enabled by default.
Effect: Windows is uninstalled, replaced by an operating system of your choice. You don’t have to wait on Microsoft to provide security patches. Your AC increases by 1, but your happiness increases immeasurably.
Special: Geeks of evil alignment may not cast defenestration; they may only cast fenestration, its evil opposite.
Dress up
You cast off your jeans and t-shirt and dress to the nines. To the five nines. There, that ought to make an impression.
pink high heeled shoeTime to cast: 1 hour per level. Female geeks take twice as long, but gain double the benefit.
Effect: +4 to your Charisma until the end of this encounter.

 

 

Flash the Firmware
“This third-party toaster firmware I found removes all those annoying safety guards, so you can mod it to shoot toast across the room!”
Time to cast: 2 hours
Effect: Roll a d6. On a 1, discard your weapon; you broke it. On a 6, your weapon gains a +1 bonus to hit and the Masterwork property.
Kernel Recompile
“Hooray! 2.8.30.28.6beta is out!”
Time to cast: 3 hours
Effect: You don’t need to roll save vs. boss while the kernel is compiling.

bOING bOING bAIT
“Here is my Lego stop-motion animated film of H.M.S. Pinafore, as performed by the cast of Star Trek: TNG. Enjoy!”
Takes months to cast, during which you may only take one action per round. Once successfully cast, you are beloved across the Internet for 12 hours.

 

 

Multiclassing

 

 
Coming in Player’s Handbook π! Here’s what to expect:
*geek / barbarian – MCSE
*geek / rogue – haxxor
*geek / wizard – computer scientist
*geek / defender – CISSP
*geek / bard – filker
*geek / avenger – Mac evangelist
*geek / shaman – AI researcher
*geek / druid – old-time mainframe programmer